Long Time no See

It's been  a long time since my last post. So little has happened, and yet so much. After malaria.. or indeed, while with malaria, I contracted typhoid and went down hard. To add insult to injury, the doctor in Arua gave me wrong meds so I continued to spiral in fever and headache and worsening symptoms. For me the worst manifestation of typhoid is losing completely, any appetite. For some this is not the big issue but when you have very little body weight to deal with, it's pretty serious as it becomes a matter of will and force feeding.

I decided to travel to Kampala to get to a good doctor and hospital where they rehydrated me with a drip and gave me some good medicine after which I spent a week recuperating in a hotel. Mind you, to save money I went back to the Bat Valley Inn - a divey hotel that never has a moment's peace and found out quickly that wasn't gonna do the trick so bit the bullet and moved to a private place that greatly facilitated my healing. Typhoid taught me a lesson though, and malaria for that matter too.. as all the daily frustrations mount and you become enmeshed in so many lives and problems - all falls away to what is truly important, staying healthy in body and mind and spirit and taking time to care about yourself for I am no use to anything or anyone in a prone position. It was scary though, I will admit this, I was frightened and felt tiny and vulnerable and at times as lonely as I've ever been or will again.

Part of the reason this blog has gone silent is for lack of expression for all that occurs around me and for want of knowing next steps. I've not had an easy time of it here. Apart from sickness there are a myriad of complications to do with the work and the NGO I am working with. Some have to do with cultural differences and some have simply to do with ill conceived implementations. It is frustrating at times and defeating at others. And so plans are altered and ambitions for projects are shelved and it becomes a matter of doing what you need to do to get through the process of being an intern, of learning what you can in a short time span, and making decisions that will keep yourself healthy and sane and rational.

The compound is also a bit of a minefield as you come to know and like people, your lives begin to intertwine and the formalities drop and you are faced with the prospect daily of these personalities, all of whom are just trying to make it through another day with food and necessities. And this is where you have to make the decision of  how involved you can afford to become on both financial and personal levels.

I've been asked on several occasions to borrow a couple thousand shillings  .. 50 cents .. and I do and it happens again and again and again and there it is.. a limit. 'Look guys, I can't do this, I'm not the bank." "You cannot depend on me and I am not comfortable with this so let's just not do the money thing ok?" And then the man who looks so worried all the time, who is so quiet comes to my door. Can he borrow 5000 shillings till tomorrow when he gets paid? Oh geez. I like this guy. Ok.

A day goes by.. "Twaha.. where is my money?" "I've not been paid yet" .. Ok.. tomorrow. And 3 days pass and I ask and he takes me to the small feed shack and shows me his bag full of boxes and tubes and jars. "I have AIDS" He starts to cry and we stand in the dark and I put my hand on his shoulder and there are no words.  A new thing to break my heart today, and tonight our security guard is run down by a motorcycle. He will be ok but every day, every day, a new thing.

I visit a project school this afternoon and am overwhelmed by the dedication of the people who work there who I am proud to call my friends. A cooking school where Monday, a wheelchair bound lady, takes great pride in teaching cooking skills. She worked for an Italian family for a while and her food is impeccable. Ben who teaches carpentry, a driving instructor and a sewing instructor. The thing about this facility is there is NO money. It used to be funded by an Italian donor but as is the sad fact sometimes, the money walked away with a slick middle man and the school was left bereft. But the people stayed.  They show up. They charge a small fee for materials to the students who are mostly without any other prospect in life and they cheerfully keep teaching and hoping and praying for new donors. I love this place. I love that everyone shows up, that the purpose didn't die for lack of funding or outside help. I love this place so much it inspires me every time I walk in the cracked and decaying doors.

There is so much to love here, and so much to lament and so much to hope for and sometimes you don't know which is which and the days blur by and at the end of the day you wonder what, if anything, you may have done to help or if you've really grasped anything and you go to bed and it all starts.. all over .. again tomorrow.